March 1, 2007 Vol 1 Issue 9
Good Thursday to all!

Nothing to say

Last night, I met a dear friend at a local watering hole. It is snowing here again and boy was it cold as I trundled out in to the night at 9pm “just” to meet a friend. Spending the first couple of minutes brushing the snow off my car, I heard a little part of me saying, “It’s late, it’s cold, what the hell are you doing?” I made the 10-minute drive and ran inside to see my friend, curled up in a chair by the warm fireplace! It was so cute! Like a great big puppy warming himself.

We ordered and caught each other up on the going-ons in our lives and then silence. Just silence. We just enjoyed being there, warming ourselves, being with each other in complete silence. Half an hour, 45 minutes—who knows how long it was, but it was wonderful, just knowing you care and someone cares about you and nothing, really nothing needs to be said. Finally realizing real life must go on, he commented on how nice it was to do nothing, to say nothing. We both just showed up for each other. Nothing was all that was needed.

Have a great day in whatever your adventure,
To Success! To Life!
Sharon

Do you hear what I hear?

How often in our lives do we really listen? Hearing is not listening. Hearing what is being said and at the same time formulating what we are going to say next is just that—hearing.

Listening is a creative force. Think back to a time when you really felt listened to and the ideas and dreams began to unfold and expand. Sometimes we just need to talk to think and when we find someone to truly listen, it is a great gift. Many times, we so want to make a connection that we jump in to respond with what's on our mind, before we've even acknowledged what the other person said. We don't deliberately set out to not listen. In fact, we're often baffled when we finally realize that we did not understand and were not understood.

Active listening is a skill that requires patience and practice. It requires being alert and in a state where you truly want to understand.

A key skill for a business owner or manager to be effective with people is proactive listening. Don’t wait for your staff or clients to come to you, make an active effort to find out what people think and feel. Stay informed. An open-door policy is no substitute for reaching out and listening to people. Reaching out with active listening (sincere interest) conveys respect and communicates appreciation for the people themselves.

Important note: Communicating by memo or email--however humorous or informal--doesn't substitute for personal contact, because it closes off the chance to actively listen. When communicating by memo and email you lose all the non-verbals that convey respect, appreciation, and interest. Next week: Listening to what isn't being said...

Active listening skills include:

• Paraphrase the information by saying, I hear you saying ... Is that correct? This process ensures understanding.

• Ask questions to determine if you accurately understand.

• Be physically and mentally present in the moment.

• Use your ears to hear the message, your eyes to read body language, and your mind to visualize what is being said. We do not remember words well, we remember images. Paint mental pictures as you listen.

• Match their breathing, speed at which they move, tone of voice, body language, and words. Caution: Use common sense when matching. If you are being yelled at, don't do the same—that is the time to do the opposite. Breathe, move slowly, remain calm, hopefully the person will shift and follow your lead.

If you have 2 ears and 1 mouth—does that mean you should listen twice as much as you speak?

A printable Action Quote pdf—2ears Quote.pdf

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